The greatest mystery of our time

[darkluna]

I watched some of The OC without Mute whilst waiting for the Episode III preview (which was really not worth the suffering), and it took about two minutes for me to despise the show and everyone on it. That's actually longer than I expected, but I wasted several seconds a. wondering why one of the girls was already in her pajamas, and b. making fun of the other girl for being a whiny dumbass.

But that's not what this post is about.

I doubt anyone will ever know the answer to "Why do boys say they will call you when they have no intention of doing so?" My leading theory had always been that if you put out on the first date, they're done with you and drop you. However, before I got up this morning, I was thinking back, and it seems to me that the opposite is true.

There's actually only one boy I slept with on the first date in the last year or so, and we ended up dating for several months. Sure, I've slept with other people on short acquaintance, with no actual official date involved, but even those guys ended up being friends, or at least fuckbuddies.

It's the ones who take me on actual dates who really lie about calling. Let's see... There was a fair-to-middlin' date with a guy who vanished for six weeks, then called as if that were perfectly OK, and expected me to recognize his voice when he did. There were two kinda fun dates with a guy I could tell I was going to be done with soon, who didn't call when he was supposed to and was never heard from again.

If I have a date that's mediocre from my perspective, I don't string the guy along and claim I'm going to call. Granted, there wasn't really stringing along in the above cases, 'cause I wasn't exactly enthused about either of them, but still. Common courtesy does count for something.

But as far as the whole question of putting out goes, I didn't even kiss the first guy, and only made out with the second.

Has someone gone and changed the rules on me about this? Is there even a rule?

'cause if not, I'm just going to jump the next one as soon as I feel like it and hope it works out.

Comments

[hochopepa.livejournal.com]

"I'll call you." is a required phrase taught to us in boy class in 6th grade. It doesn't mean "I'll call you." It means, "I hereby offer you this ritual phrase to observe social custom, and to avoid any chance at having to hurt you while I am here, or to create a situation in which I must debate or elucidate why I may or may not call you in 3 days." The fact that the latter is indicated in the exact same way that "I will actually call your ass as soon as enough time has elapsed to make me appear non-desperate" might as well be completely coincidental.

I don't think rules are important compared to being interested or not. I have never had sex on the first date, but of 3 girls I've had sex with on the second date, I wanted to see 2 of them again. If I enjoyed spending time with someone and they jumped my bones on date1, great. I'll watch them over the next few days to see if they push too hard, but otherwise great. If I enjoyed spending time with someone and they put me off for a few dates, that would also be acceptable. Build-up can be nice, too.

If I only enjoyed spending time with someone a little bit, I probably wouldn't call for a second date regardless of whether or not they put out on date1. And do you want those guys actually calling you, regardless of whether or not you had sex with them, and regardless of whether or not they said, "I'll call you"? Probably not, since it will be signal noise to confuse you at best, and a major waste of time at worst.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

The three days rule pisses me off. Do you kids not know that calling sooner is more often interpreted as eagerness than desperation? And at what point should we girls give up? After a week? That's my usual time limit, but then there are bozos like Mr. Six Weeks who act as if the long delay is perfectly normal. It is vexing, and makes me glad I can't be arsed to find someone to date at the moment.

In actual reply to you: I think there is a bit of self-selection happening, as the guys who failed to call were the ones I would just as soon not have heard from anyway. Perhaps they were more perceptive than I gave them credit for.

[hochopepa.livejournal.com]

kids? I am ancient compared to you, aren't I? I don't know where the 3 day rule came from, but I know it is widely observed. Myself, I call the next day if I think she liked me. As evidenced in my recent post about phone-stalking.

Yes, a week is when you should depreciate those assets to zero.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Nuh-uh, at 31, I am totally the oldest Rat around. I think. Weren't you in my little sister's class? Or do I have you confused with isrephael?

As a girl, I thank you for your practice of calling the next day if chemistry dictates.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

OK, I am older than you, but only by 3 months. :-) Isrephael is the youngster who was in Rae's class.