darkluna | Crackfic: Breakfast of champions

Episode 2!

Continuing spoilers for the whole series. Also, it is the product of a deranged mind.

Part 1 here

2. Shadows Wandering Off Somewhere

"This is the only way to fly," Matt said, lighting another cigarette and watching the ocean rush by beneath them. They were somewhere over the Pacific, flying into the night.

"There's no food service, but Misa could get used to this."

"Who says there's no food service?" He popped open the glove box and pulled out a couple of Twinkies.

"Ooh, American snacks!" Misa said. "Hee, they're funny." She made the wrapper do a little dance.

Fruitcake, Matt thought.

---

It was still night when they landed in LA, so they found a motel. In the morning, Misa took one look in the mirror, let out a horrified squeal, and vanished into the bathroom.

Matt went and got a mocha and a piece of coffee cake, came back to the room, and lit a cigarette. It was practically illegal to smoke anywhere in California, but he could disable a smoke detector drunk, in his sleep, and with one hand tied behind his back.

"That looks really good."

"Gah!" He almost dropped the fork. "L?"

He was perched on the other chair in his usual fashion, eyeing the coffee cake. "Hello, Mail."

Matt stared.

"I don't mean to be impolite," L said, "but I am kind of glad you died."

"I... Why?"

"Because now you can see me, of course."

"You're a ghost." Matt laid the skepticism on pretty thick, but L seemed as immune to it as when he'd been alive.

"Apparently. Are you going to eat that?"

"Um." Matt wondered if he were about to commit some sort of faux pas. "Can you eat it?"

"No." L sighed, still gazing longingly at the plate. "Being incorporeal, I don't get hungry, and I can't eat anything. I just miss cake."

"I could, um. Leave it out for you. Or something. So it would be yours."

"That's very thoughtful of you."

Misa emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam. "Is Matty talking to me?"

"No, I..."

"Why is she here?" L said.

"I felt bad for her."

"Hmm."

"What?" Misa squeaked.

"We seem to have a ghost."

"Kyaa!" She looked all around, and L made a funny face at her, but she clearly couldn't see him.

"Don't worry," Matt said. "He's friendly."

"I've never been described as 'friendly,'" L said. "How about... not actively hostile?"

"Misa does not want to think about ghosts. Misa needs new clothes!"

"OK, OK."

---

They headed downtown, and L seemed to have decided not to join them. Misa oohed and aahed over clothes, and Matt looked around and scanned the faces of passersby.

"Does Mattle need new clothes too?"

"Nope. But I'm working off a possible hallucination here, so I'm not sure what I'm looking for."

"Oh, this one!" She'd stopped in front of a store whose inventory, judging from its window display, consisted of scraps of pink lace.

"Nuh-uh, not going in there. I'm gay, and that's too gay for me."

She went in alone, and he fired up both a cigarette and Animal Crossing. He planted things in his garden for a while, but got bored and went back to people-watching.

There was a white-haired punk kid walking slowly along the opposite sidewalk, and... "Holy crap, it's Near," Matt said aloud.

He jogged across the street and caught Near's arm. "Hey."

"Matt? I thought you were dead."

"I was. Now I'm not."

Near thought this over for a moment. "I'm sorry. But I'm happy too."

"What did you do to yourself? You look like a Hot Topic threw up on you." If you didn't know him, the crazy puffy jacket and leopard-print pants might have looked perfectly fine. But Matt did know him, so it was weird.

Near adjusted his headband, looking aggrieved. "It's a disguise. These are Mello's clothes."

"Oh. They look different on him."

"I didn't know you had any tattoos."

"Don't change the subject. What are you doing here?"

"I thought the subject was... Fine. I'm looking for Mello. I assumed you were doing the same."

"Kind of. Do you know something I don't?"

"In all likelihood."

"Do you know something specific that I don't?"

"My computer system has been acting strangely."

"That has what to do with Mello?"

"Trust me; I know his sense of humor. Or lack thereof. I traced the hacker's IP address to here."

"Matteo!" Misa called from outside the shop, laden with bags. "Misa is hungry after all that shopping!"

"Was it really necessary to bring her?" Near said. "She's an idiot."

"She doesn't remember anything. I think she's kind of wrong in the head after everything she's been through. I mean, look at her."

They looked. Misa was pawing through her purchases and seemed to be singing a little song about each item.

"I see your point."

They went back over to Misa, who barely looked up at them. "Oh, hello, little weird guy. Are you helping?"

"Maybe," Near said.

"Isn't this cute?" Misa asked no one in particular, waving about a pink thing that was indistinguishable from the other pink things.

"Sure," Matt said. "How about some noodles?"

They found a place to eat, and Near pulled his jacket off, scattering toys from the pockets, one of which Misa promptly seized and giggled over.

"All right, I've decided I'll help you look, but she has to behave. Also, she has to give me my rocket back."

---

Next time! Mello casts aspersions on other people's proficiency with explosives, and Near has seen something he can't un-see.