darkluna | (no subject)

For me it is context. A lot of men (particularly people from the East and the South, at least as far as I've noticed) use "lady" as a direct synonym for "woman". I often do so myself: "The lady at the store..." "These two ladies were talking..." and so I don't find it odd or off-putting when other people use the word in a similar manner.

What I find suspect are those guys who turn "lady" into some sort of title or special category of woman. It's hard to describe just what I mean, but I imagine you know it anyway. It's the type of guy who is looking for a "special lady" by which he means some fantastic ideal who will magically have every quality he deems worthy in a woman (subservience to men, a fondess for both cooking AND cleaning the dishes, a libido that perfectly coincides with his and a desire to only have the sort of sex he finds appealing) and none that he doesn't. In short, he's not looking for a real woman, he's looking for a "lady".

Often, he can't spell.

Despite the fact that my OK Cupid profile says in its first paragraph that I'm not really looking to meet people (I add that I'm not opposed to the idea but it's not my purpose in being there) and goes on to say that if you have poor grammar skills then you and I are probably not destined to be friends, I just got an e-mail from someone who--you guessed it!--has poor writing skills. It made me snicker.

I think you're exactly right in your second paragraph. These guys almost always pair "lady" with "special." It has connotations of meekness and subservience that I don't care for at all.

And they are usually bad writers, and the most flagrant abusers of the caps lock key.

Making fun of the truly unbelievably bad writing on these sites is entertaining enough that it almost makes up for not having found anyone I like. (Though I did recently get mail from a cute Firefly fan, and if I get two dates out of this whole exercise, it will far exceed my expectations.)

I've been guilty of using the phrase 'lady' before, but I always associated it with respect for a female, rather than imposing a set of standards on someone.

Color me surprised that the phrase had a sinister context, although after reading the logic behind it, I can certainly see it.

Well, context is everything. I know the Bad Use when I see it, but can't really define it outright. I guess when someone is ignorant of spelling and grammar rules and uses "lady," I'm more likely to assume they are ignorant in general and mean it in the old-fashioned, restrictive sense.

I certainly don't go looking for misogynistic intent if a friend uses it and clearly means it, as

zinnea said, as a pure synonym for "woman." And some people are allowed to say "milady" with impunity. (Yes, you're one of them. ;-))

I would tend to assume that someone who was wiling to be a friend of

darkluna would tend not to be the sort of person to use lady in the bad way. I think it's like obscenity--impossible to define, easy to see.

I prefer dames and broads meself.

You would. :-)

In my experience, an awful lot of the men who go on about how they will "treat you like a lady," or are looking for that "special lady" are the ones who will turn around and call women "bitches." Their ideas of what constitutes a "lady" are usually fuzzy and contradictory, but inevitably they boil down to "a woman who won't challenge me in any way."

Yep. They're also often the same ones who want to treat a woman "like a princess," which I figure means they'll buy her pretty things as long as she keeps her mouth shut.

usually the guys who try hitting on me through my myspace profile use the term "special lady" (shudder). "milady" sometimes reminds me of "malady," problematic at ren faires.

...Yeah.