oh, hon. don't push yourself. one of the hardest things is when people tell you "i just want you to be happy," because it feels like so much pressure to make them AND you happy, when you know there is something that is making you unhappy, and you can't just get all perky to make them happy (yes, i have personal experience with this -- e-mail me sometime, and i can tell you what i've been going through...). so i want to give you many hugs and much love, since i can't send you my awesome therapist.