My self-help book will be called I'm OK, You're an Idiot

There are these "NEED A COACH OR COUNSELOR?" flyers all over the bulletin boards in my building. These things are a comedy goldmine! There’s a list of things we supposedly might need help with. Here are the best ones (capitalization is theirs):

Filling Up with Spiritual Food
Saying the Unsaid
Owning Your Power
Claiming Your Body
Being Good Enough and Not Perfect
Listening to Callings
Healing from the Disease to Please
Personal Intimate Relationships with Self and Others
Being Strong and Vulnerable
Opposing War and Supporting Troops
Speaking Out Real-Time
Living Your Destiny Through Grandchildren
Birthing Yourself
Leaving a Legacy of Love
Creating Value, Not Just Wealth
Making Conscious Choices
Experiencing Flow

*wipes away a tiny, mirthful tear* I could go for some time on any one of these, but I think my favorite is "Birthing Yourself." Or possibly "Opposing War and Supporting Troops," because is it really so much of a contradiction that people need help getting their little brains around it?

Outside there is a pile of about 6 cigarette butts on the ground in the little smoking area, all the same brand, arrayed in a way that causes me to think they’re from a single session. Call me crazy, but I think someone who can’t handle walking three feet out of their way to use the ashtray should probably not be power-smoking.

My attire today ("outfit" is too strong a word) is "I Can't Be Bothered, So Let's Call It Punk." Pink Chucks, Social D shirt (I admit I kind of feel like a poser wearing it when I have "Tiny Dancer" stuck in my head...), thrift-store jeans that have a patch on one knee of a Canadian flag with "WHISTLER" printed underneath, which made me think This is so random, I have to buy them.

My hair is in the terrible twos stage of growing out. The only word it knows is "NO!"