(no subject)

With Little Sis knocked up again and the holidays getting close, I'm battening down the mental hatches for another round of "When are you going to get married and have kids?"

My impulse is to say "When hell freezes over," but given that half of the family is pretty religious, that would probably create more problems than it would solve. I'm certainly not equipped to deal with people trying to save my soul at family gatherings that are bone dry. Hearing that Satan thinks he's won calls for at least a Cosmopolitan.

[I think the chart of Liquor Required for Coping looks like this:

Big Papi striking out with the bases loaded: 1 beer
"You're going to hell": 1 mixed drink
The 2004 elections: 3 whiskey shots
War with Iran: entire bottle of Bailey's]

Then I thought I could say "When I get tired of doing whatever I want, whenever I want." But that leaves the door open for "Oh, so when you grow up a little?"

Then I thought I could say "When I get bored with porn." That would certainly freak them out enough that they'd back away slowly, their minds reeling at the very thought that a woman might actually enjoy anything sexual.

Then again, my mom would kill me.

So I have a strategy in reserve that involves bringing my fic along and quietly writing away until someone decides to harrass me, at which point I'll say "I'd love to tell you fifty reasons why I'm not married, Aunt D, but first I have to work out my characters' lube-related logistical difficulties."