Argh, logistical difficulties

[darkluna]

Like a good girl, I've read Minotaur's Sex Tips for Slash Writers, which is all "Lube, lube, lube. Oceans of it. No such thing as too much. For the love of Eros, don't even think about trying a first time with no lube!" I read it early enough in my slash-writing adventures that it made a big impression on me, so I feel like, "No, sir. I would certainly never try anything without lots of lube. Please don't send the fanfic police after me."

Now that I have a story that actually wants teh sexx0rs, um. We don't have any lube. One character wouldn't own any, and the other wouldn't have brought any (since that would be admitting he planned on having sex, which he wouldn't admit even if he did).

*cries*

Maybe I should just start writing yuri.

Also: Happy birthday to Matt! Who isn't in this story. :(

Comments

[thickets.livejournal.com]

A lot of the times in fanfic I see characters using butter, oil, or shampoo in place of lube when they're in this situation.

... Kind of nasty, but there you have it.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Hmm, good thought - thanks! I could probably come up with a reason to have lotion of some sort around.

[zinnea.livejournal.com]

How important is it to you to be totally realistic and absolutely detailed? As a longtime reader of short fiction, I'm accustomed to simply assuming the necessary details and don't always need them spelled out for me.

[havocmangawip.livejournal.com]

Shampoo sounds like it would sting!!

Vaseline/lotion/crisco or cooking oil? Well... those all sound a lot better.. Though the Vaseline would have to be warmed up first and forget about condoms working/not disintegrating with the oil based stuff.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Well, true, but I don't want people to think I forgot about it. I don't think you can just assume there's lube, especially when it would be unusual for someone to have it about.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Hmm, cooking oil sounds promising. I dunno. I'm probably overthinking this anyway. :) If only it were a funny story, we could have Adventures in Lube-Finding.

[rowancat.livejournal.com]

I used *lots* of Karma Sutra oil for one girls first time (anally)
plus half a valium for muscle relaxation
(she knew what it was and did, had used it for pms cramps herself)
She went absolutely nuts, all those previously unused pleasure nerve
endings, made even more so by the tingly glowing warmth
of that stuff.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Well. OK. But people who are not going to have regular lube are sure not gonna have that, y'know.

[astizya-ii.livejournal.com]

Hm, well, I always take tips and essays and such with a grain of salt, because human sexuality is so diverse, people like it and do it in so many different ways. ^^

And I see you're considering lotion or cooking oil, which I think are good substitutes, because they're usually handy (somehow) and they work - using cooking oil can be especially fun to write! :D And ouch, yeah, unless your 'bottoming' character is a real masochist, I'd stay away from stuff like shampoo. >D; I'm in agreement with you that something about it should be included in the writing, though, regardless.

Good luck with your fic!

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm probably worrying about it too much. I still have smut embarrassment issues. I think I'll just try to keep writing and see what happens. Hey, they're geniuses, they'll figure something out. :)

[astizya-ii.livejournal.com]

Lol, I figured it was Mello and Near. :D

And btw, see that Near in your icon? That's the face he makes when he gets shampoo up the ass. >D

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Hee. It was the part about not admitting he was planning on doing anything naughty, right?

Oh, man, I love, with a love that makes me flail about, how totally demented and loopy Near looks in this icon. (Yours amuses me, too!)

[astizya-ii.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was that whole line.

I <3 it, too. (The Near in my icon is a crazy slut. :D)

Hey, he'd enjoy it even more! ...This is kind of making me want to write a shampoo torture fic with Mello, Matt, and Near. :/

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

The Near in your icon and the one in camillabloom's should get together. >;-)

[hufflepuffer]

When push came to shove, I've used conditioner (shampoo stings), olive oil, butter, rape seed oil, whipped cream from a one of those pressurized bottles with a nozzle (but those boys were very experienced with each other), handcream, and make-up remover (gel or lotion). Of course, you would have to be in someone's house, with a kitchen or a bathroom for most options.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Ooh, good list. Conditioner is brilliant.

Of course, you would have to be in someone's house, with a kitchen or a bathroom for most options.

*cough*SPKheadquarters*cough* I mean... I think we've got a kitchen and bathroom.

OK, your icon and mine: long-lost twins separated at birth? :)

[isrephael.livejournal.com]

Deepthroating and/or gagging produces a great deal of saliva, which makes for great natural lube. Lead in with some messy fellatio and you're all set. This works either way, whether the one being fellatiated is the uke or seme. If the seme, then it's pretty straightforward. If the uke, let the gravity do the work and the saliva will get to the needed area eventually. Or, if you want to get kinky, you can always go for direct application.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

... You are full of surprises lately! This is an excellent idea.

[isrephael.livejournal.com]

Did you somehow think I was unknown to the ways of anal sex and fellatio? We really need to talk more often. It's like we're perfect strangers.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Heh. No, it's just that usually you make fun of my slash instead of helping me with it.

[hissilliness.livejournal.com]

When push came to shove, huh?

[hissilliness.livejournal.com]

Do recall that P-i-A is not the be-all and end-all of nookie.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Absolutely true, and I actually usually stick to other stuff. But this story has, well, already had a lot of the other stuff, and I think it wants to go that way. We'll see.

[isrephael.livejournal.com]

I just occasionally like to remind you that real boys can be good at sex, and used for sex, too.

[hufflepuffer]

*rimshot*

[hufflepuffer]

OK, your icon and mine: long-lost twins separated at birth? :)

Yes. You should see the new poster, he looks as hot as he looks scary.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Oh, I've seen it. My face looked like this: :-O'''''