(no subject)
Jul. 21st, 2003 07:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darklunaMy toenails, and a lot of my toes, are sparkly. My five-year-old friend painted them. :-) I painted hers too, and she ran off, saying "Now I'm going to show everyone!" She bosses me around, but I don't mind.
Today I went to the damn gym. I am so resistant to working out that I tend to curse an awful lot when I get on the subject. I have some body image issues.
I walk into a gym where there are purposeful, fit people all beaming with self-esteem, and I instantly forget everything the last few years have taught me about confidence. I forget that I am not fat anymore. Half a second, and some switch in my brain flips, and those forty pounds pour back onto my mental sense of my body. I get embarrassed and awkward and I apologize with my body language for the very fact that I am taking up space.
I guess I'm a tiny bit saner than before, though, because I get preemptively mad at the people at the gym for the superiority I'm sure they're going to look at me with, instead of getting ready to cry because I feel inferior. It's not actually healthy, mind you. Just better than before.
So I walked in and looked around and said "Oh, fuck no," but the tiny little girl I had the appointment with caught me before I fled in a fit of petulance, and I stuck around long enough to talk about my goals, and then when she asked about what I had done in the past for exercise, I remembered that I lost 40 pounds all by myself, and I cheered right up. And she was nice despite being perky and toned. She complimented my hair, and I can't help it, I like anyone who likes my mulberry hair.
That tiny little girl put my biceps and abs through the wringer, but it actually felt good. (Ask me again tomorrow, though!)
So I joined up. It occurred to me on the way home to feel proud of myself for getting over myself and sticking around. So yay! I am optimistic, and I am going to kick ass. :-)
Today I went to the damn gym. I am so resistant to working out that I tend to curse an awful lot when I get on the subject. I have some body image issues.
I walk into a gym where there are purposeful, fit people all beaming with self-esteem, and I instantly forget everything the last few years have taught me about confidence. I forget that I am not fat anymore. Half a second, and some switch in my brain flips, and those forty pounds pour back onto my mental sense of my body. I get embarrassed and awkward and I apologize with my body language for the very fact that I am taking up space.
I guess I'm a tiny bit saner than before, though, because I get preemptively mad at the people at the gym for the superiority I'm sure they're going to look at me with, instead of getting ready to cry because I feel inferior. It's not actually healthy, mind you. Just better than before.
So I walked in and looked around and said "Oh, fuck no," but the tiny little girl I had the appointment with caught me before I fled in a fit of petulance, and I stuck around long enough to talk about my goals, and then when she asked about what I had done in the past for exercise, I remembered that I lost 40 pounds all by myself, and I cheered right up. And she was nice despite being perky and toned. She complimented my hair, and I can't help it, I like anyone who likes my mulberry hair.
That tiny little girl put my biceps and abs through the wringer, but it actually felt good. (Ask me again tomorrow, though!)
So I joined up. It occurred to me on the way home to feel proud of myself for getting over myself and sticking around. So yay! I am optimistic, and I am going to kick ass. :-)
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-22 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-23 01:52 am (UTC)no subject
You lost 40 lbs? You look very nice, so congratulations! I hope you reach the weight you desire, though I must say that you look pretty striking already.
And yes, your hair is awesome!
no subject
Date: 2003-07-23 01:52 am (UTC)second that emotion
Date: 2003-07-22 01:31 pm (UTC)Re: second that emotion
Date: 2003-07-23 01:57 am (UTC)