Try to separate my body from my mind

[darkluna]

It would be awfully convenient if I were the kind of girl who could work a fuckbuddy-type arrangement. The ChefBoy intermittently tries to convince me that we could do that, and occasionally I am tempted to propose such a thing to someone else. I would love to separate fun from feelings, but I don't think I can.

The first time PrettyButUseless and I slept together, it was like...phwaw. Wow. The last time, it was...relatively meh. It was in between that he acquired his nickname, you see. In between, I found a way out of the tangle of lust and hope and hopelessness my mind had spun around him.

So I am resolved not to try to talk myself into wanting someone just for the sake of getting some action. It almost never works, and when it does, it's never, ever worth it. It's like shopping. (No, bear with me!) I hate shopping about as much as I hate looking for someone to date, but I have more success with shopping. If a piece of clothing doesn't make me at least a little bit weak in the knees, I don't buy it. I can tell the difference between intellectual desire and visceral desire there; I need to learn it in relationships.

After all, if I want orgasms without emotional attachment, that's what a vibrator's for. It works every time, works faster than most guys, and never wants to negotiate the "no emotional attachment" part.

Comments

[girl-about-town.livejournal.com]

I've tried to convince myself that girls and boys can want sex in the same way. Sex is fun, regardless of who you're doing it with. But after a few rounds of trial and error (mostly error), I've decided that while some girls can do that (and more power to 'em), I cannot. And it doesn't stem from the "if I have sex with him, then he'll be my boyfriend and love me forever" mentality that some girls I know have. For me, sex is not that big a deal if it's not happening with someone that turns me on and finds me attractive (physically, mentally, what have you). I need mutual appreciation for more than just compatible body parts. And because it's SO amazing when you do have all the good stuff, why would you ever want to have such a significantly lesser experience? So, that said, I've found it much less agonizing to just wait for it than to try to persuede myself that I'm interested in someone just to "see where it goes." I'm so bad at dating and so okay with just being me, that I'd rather just stick it out alone (or with mechanical assistence), until I meet someone who knocks the socks off again.

You're doing the right thing. Because I would guess that the time and energy you spend fretting over it is worth a lot more than the one evening's mediocre tumble in the sheets.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

So, that said, I've found it much less agonizing to just wait for it than to try to persuede myself that I'm interested in someone just to "see where it goes."

That's it exactly! Thanks for the encouraging words. :)

[girl-about-town.livejournal.com]

No problem. Because if you have to talk yourself into someone, you shouldn't be with them in the first place.

Oh, and persuade. It's a tricky little word.