Try to separate my body from my mind

[darkluna]

It would be awfully convenient if I were the kind of girl who could work a fuckbuddy-type arrangement. The ChefBoy intermittently tries to convince me that we could do that, and occasionally I am tempted to propose such a thing to someone else. I would love to separate fun from feelings, but I don't think I can.

The first time PrettyButUseless and I slept together, it was like...phwaw. Wow. The last time, it was...relatively meh. It was in between that he acquired his nickname, you see. In between, I found a way out of the tangle of lust and hope and hopelessness my mind had spun around him.

So I am resolved not to try to talk myself into wanting someone just for the sake of getting some action. It almost never works, and when it does, it's never, ever worth it. It's like shopping. (No, bear with me!) I hate shopping about as much as I hate looking for someone to date, but I have more success with shopping. If a piece of clothing doesn't make me at least a little bit weak in the knees, I don't buy it. I can tell the difference between intellectual desire and visceral desire there; I need to learn it in relationships.

After all, if I want orgasms without emotional attachment, that's what a vibrator's for. It works every time, works faster than most guys, and never wants to negotiate the "no emotional attachment" part.

Comments

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

So I don't understand not wanting to have done it if you wanted to do it in the first place as long as it was, in fact, fun.

If sleeping with someone otherwise attractive would be BAD BAD VERY BAD in terms of the repercussions, I would want to do it but not want to have done it.

I had a chance to make that mistake once and, to my everlasting relief, did not make it. Oddly enough, common sense overruled lust in that case, and I'm arguing for lust's superiority over intellect in this post.