Crack for the masses
Jan. 4th, 2008 06:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darklunaThe crackfic that refuses to die. It's nice to work on something utterly silly when teh pr0nz starts to embarrass me.
Continuing spoilers for the whole series! Plus, you know, cussing.
Part 1 | Part 2
3. More Important Things To Say
Despite having claimed she was starving, Misa mostly played with her food, and pouted over being made to surrender Near's toy spaceship.
Near picked at his food too, plucking broccoli out of the noodle soup with his chopsticks and eyeing each piece suspiciously before eating it. Matt thought, not for the first time, that it was kind of a drag always being the sane one. "Were there any other clues in the messages?" he asked.
"No," Near said. He swirled the soup, presumably to confirm that he'd gotten all the broccoli, and started in on the carrots. Something he'd done to his hair made his eyes look huge, greeny-gray, and even more unsettling than usual.
"Could you take that headband thing off? It's weird."
"Very well. I almost opted for your goggles, you know."
"Ehh..." Matt tried not to shudder, but failed.
"Thanks a lot."
"Hey, you in Mello's clothes is enough of a mind-fuck."
"Mind-fuck," Misa said, and giggled.
"How about you show me those messages," Matt said, hoping to forestall another of Misa's little songs.
Near held up another carrot slice, frowned at it, and dumped it onto the napkin. "All right."
*
"Misa is sitting in the front," she said when they got to Sally and Near started to open the passenger door. "Misa will beat up little weird guy if she has to!"
"Little weird guy can probably kick your ass," Matt said. "Sorry, Near."
"Probably," Near said. "But I wouldn't. She is unwell." He looked into the back seat. "Why is there a piece of cake on the seat?"
"Well... it's kind of... for L."
"Are there side effects to having been dead that we should know about?"
"No. I mean, kind of. I mean, I'm not crazy."
"Really."
"Mattekin talks to a ghost," Misa said from the front seat.
"Really," Near said again.
"He's not a side effect," Matt said. "I can see him because I was dead, but he's been here all along. I think." He looked around, half-expecting L to show up and help him out, but no luck.
Near looked at the cake, then at Matt, and shrugged. "If I can believe in a notebook that kills people and in you coming back from the dead, I suppose I can believe in a ghost too."
"A notebook that kills people," Misa muttered. "Misa does not like the sound of that at all." She pouted, but not the cute pout she'd been trying out earlier. It took Matt a moment to realize that it was actually the look of someone trying to think very hard about something distressing.
"Don't worry about it," he told her.
*
Near was, of course, staying in a much nicer place than the motel: the top floor of an aggressively modern tower overlooking the ocean. Matt wasn't surprised that the décor used white as if trying to corner the market on it. "Ooh," Misa said, admiring the view from the huge living area. "Little weird guy has good taste."
"Do you think she could stop calling me that?" Near said. He seemed unwilling to address Misa directly.
"I honestly don't know if she can," Matt said.
"I shall ignore her until she becomes more sensible, assuming she ever does."
"Do what you gotta do. Is this the laptop that's been acting weird?"
"That's it."
"OK, let's have a look."
Near logged in and pulled up one of the messages. Matt popped the IP address into the tracer, saw the street address that went with it, and laughed.
"What is it?" Near said.
"1313 Harbor Boulevard," Matt said, still chuckling.
"I don't know the significance of that."
"It's Disneyland."
Near blinked. "Mello was at Disneyland?"
"Nah. He just hacked it to make it look like he was. It's pretty easy to fake headers."
"Oh."
"Y'know, I've heard the reason it's 1313 is because M is the thirteenth letter of the alphabet."
"I don't..." Near began.
"MM? For Mickey Mouse? Of course, it's differently meaningful for us."
"So you're also sure that the message came from Mello?"
"Absolutely. And he wanted us to find him. I taught him to cover his tracks better than this." He hunted around until he found the network log. "Ah, here. Can't fake this." He pointed to the line of remote access information on the screen. "He didn't wipe it, so, yeah. He wants us to find him. And if I know Mello—and I think I do—he won't be making do with less than a dedicated T1."
"What does that mean for us?"
"We can find him, not just his ISP."
Sure enough, this trace found an address that wasn't an obvious joke, and Matt recognized the zip code. "Brentwood, huh?" He glanced at Near, and clarified. "Nice neighborhood."
"I'd expect nothing less."
"Want to go check it out?" He tried to sound casual, but, as always when Mello was involved, he couldn't quite manage it.
"Yes, but I think it would be a poor idea to show up with her."
"Ya think?"
Near sighed. "Here." He pulled the toy spaceship out of his jacket and handed it to Misa. "Amuse yourself with this, or something."
"Oh, thank you, little weird guy!"
"Fruitcake," Matt said under his breath.
*
Matt decided that a car flying over the city in broad daylight would be a bit much even for LA, but Sally still got them to the address from the trace more quickly than seemed possible. Parts of the trip were a bit hazy in Matt's mind already. He would've sworn they'd actually passed through other cars on the freeway.
It was a nice building, a bit more modest than Matt had expected; one of the apartment buildings converted to condos that young people tended to buy when they were rich enough to afford a half-million-dollar starter home.
"That one," Matt said, pointing to a window on the top floor.
"The one with black curtains."
"Exactly."
There were two buzzers for the third floor, one of which was labeled "T. Goldman." Matt pressed the unmarked one and waited, waited, trying not to fidget even though it seemed like fucking forever, but was probably only about twenty seconds.
Then the door opened and there was Mello, crazy hot (in about equal parts) as ever, but right now wearing a stunned expression that made him look a little less intimidating, enough so that Matt might've had the nerve to throw his arms around him if Near hadn't been right there.
"Matt? I thought you were dead."
"I was, but now I'm— God, I should just get a t-shirt made or something."
Mello jabbed a finger at him. "Don't swear."
This was pretty rich, coming from someone Matt had personally heard using "fuck" as every part of speech, but he was so glad Mello was here to scold him, and that he was here to be scolded, he didn't care. "Sorry. I thought you were dead."
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm too damn pretty to die. It's a good thing my real last name is so ridiculous. She misspelled it. Of course, then the bitch tried to blow me up. What an amateur." He looked over Matt's shoulder. "Hey, nice ensemble there, Ghosty."
"It's good to see you, too," Near said frostily.
"Aw, don't be pissy. I was going to tell you I was OK. I just wanted to have a little fun first."
"You didn't have to..." He edged past Matt and whispered something in Mello's ear.
Mello burst out laughing. "I thought you liked Transformers!"
"Certainly not like that," Near said with a little shudder. "I almost turned to alcohol to erase that mental image."
*
In the next thrilling installment, the Ms have their real reunion, and Misa finds a purpose in life.
The thing about Disneyland's address is true, by the way. I thought the combination of Mello and Disney was amusing. It was serendipitous that it involved Ms too. Also, in case you're wondering, Near was eating his soup alphabetically. :-) And apologies if my techie knowledge is lacking. It's been a while since I played with such things.
Continuing spoilers for the whole series! Plus, you know, cussing.
Part 1 | Part 2
3. More Important Things To Say
Despite having claimed she was starving, Misa mostly played with her food, and pouted over being made to surrender Near's toy spaceship.
Near picked at his food too, plucking broccoli out of the noodle soup with his chopsticks and eyeing each piece suspiciously before eating it. Matt thought, not for the first time, that it was kind of a drag always being the sane one. "Were there any other clues in the messages?" he asked.
"No," Near said. He swirled the soup, presumably to confirm that he'd gotten all the broccoli, and started in on the carrots. Something he'd done to his hair made his eyes look huge, greeny-gray, and even more unsettling than usual.
"Could you take that headband thing off? It's weird."
"Very well. I almost opted for your goggles, you know."
"Ehh..." Matt tried not to shudder, but failed.
"Thanks a lot."
"Hey, you in Mello's clothes is enough of a mind-fuck."
"Mind-fuck," Misa said, and giggled.
"How about you show me those messages," Matt said, hoping to forestall another of Misa's little songs.
Near held up another carrot slice, frowned at it, and dumped it onto the napkin. "All right."
*
"Misa is sitting in the front," she said when they got to Sally and Near started to open the passenger door. "Misa will beat up little weird guy if she has to!"
"Little weird guy can probably kick your ass," Matt said. "Sorry, Near."
"Probably," Near said. "But I wouldn't. She is unwell." He looked into the back seat. "Why is there a piece of cake on the seat?"
"Well... it's kind of... for L."
"Are there side effects to having been dead that we should know about?"
"No. I mean, kind of. I mean, I'm not crazy."
"Really."
"Mattekin talks to a ghost," Misa said from the front seat.
"Really," Near said again.
"He's not a side effect," Matt said. "I can see him because I was dead, but he's been here all along. I think." He looked around, half-expecting L to show up and help him out, but no luck.
Near looked at the cake, then at Matt, and shrugged. "If I can believe in a notebook that kills people and in you coming back from the dead, I suppose I can believe in a ghost too."
"A notebook that kills people," Misa muttered. "Misa does not like the sound of that at all." She pouted, but not the cute pout she'd been trying out earlier. It took Matt a moment to realize that it was actually the look of someone trying to think very hard about something distressing.
"Don't worry about it," he told her.
*
Near was, of course, staying in a much nicer place than the motel: the top floor of an aggressively modern tower overlooking the ocean. Matt wasn't surprised that the décor used white as if trying to corner the market on it. "Ooh," Misa said, admiring the view from the huge living area. "Little weird guy has good taste."
"Do you think she could stop calling me that?" Near said. He seemed unwilling to address Misa directly.
"I honestly don't know if she can," Matt said.
"I shall ignore her until she becomes more sensible, assuming she ever does."
"Do what you gotta do. Is this the laptop that's been acting weird?"
"That's it."
"OK, let's have a look."
Near logged in and pulled up one of the messages. Matt popped the IP address into the tracer, saw the street address that went with it, and laughed.
"What is it?" Near said.
"1313 Harbor Boulevard," Matt said, still chuckling.
"I don't know the significance of that."
"It's Disneyland."
Near blinked. "Mello was at Disneyland?"
"Nah. He just hacked it to make it look like he was. It's pretty easy to fake headers."
"Oh."
"Y'know, I've heard the reason it's 1313 is because M is the thirteenth letter of the alphabet."
"I don't..." Near began.
"MM? For Mickey Mouse? Of course, it's differently meaningful for us."
"So you're also sure that the message came from Mello?"
"Absolutely. And he wanted us to find him. I taught him to cover his tracks better than this." He hunted around until he found the network log. "Ah, here. Can't fake this." He pointed to the line of remote access information on the screen. "He didn't wipe it, so, yeah. He wants us to find him. And if I know Mello—and I think I do—he won't be making do with less than a dedicated T1."
"What does that mean for us?"
"We can find him, not just his ISP."
Sure enough, this trace found an address that wasn't an obvious joke, and Matt recognized the zip code. "Brentwood, huh?" He glanced at Near, and clarified. "Nice neighborhood."
"I'd expect nothing less."
"Want to go check it out?" He tried to sound casual, but, as always when Mello was involved, he couldn't quite manage it.
"Yes, but I think it would be a poor idea to show up with her."
"Ya think?"
Near sighed. "Here." He pulled the toy spaceship out of his jacket and handed it to Misa. "Amuse yourself with this, or something."
"Oh, thank you, little weird guy!"
"Fruitcake," Matt said under his breath.
*
Matt decided that a car flying over the city in broad daylight would be a bit much even for LA, but Sally still got them to the address from the trace more quickly than seemed possible. Parts of the trip were a bit hazy in Matt's mind already. He would've sworn they'd actually passed through other cars on the freeway.
It was a nice building, a bit more modest than Matt had expected; one of the apartment buildings converted to condos that young people tended to buy when they were rich enough to afford a half-million-dollar starter home.
"That one," Matt said, pointing to a window on the top floor.
"The one with black curtains."
"Exactly."
There were two buzzers for the third floor, one of which was labeled "T. Goldman." Matt pressed the unmarked one and waited, waited, trying not to fidget even though it seemed like fucking forever, but was probably only about twenty seconds.
Then the door opened and there was Mello, crazy hot (in about equal parts) as ever, but right now wearing a stunned expression that made him look a little less intimidating, enough so that Matt might've had the nerve to throw his arms around him if Near hadn't been right there.
"Matt? I thought you were dead."
"I was, but now I'm— God, I should just get a t-shirt made or something."
Mello jabbed a finger at him. "Don't swear."
This was pretty rich, coming from someone Matt had personally heard using "fuck" as every part of speech, but he was so glad Mello was here to scold him, and that he was here to be scolded, he didn't care. "Sorry. I thought you were dead."
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm too damn pretty to die. It's a good thing my real last name is so ridiculous. She misspelled it. Of course, then the bitch tried to blow me up. What an amateur." He looked over Matt's shoulder. "Hey, nice ensemble there, Ghosty."
"It's good to see you, too," Near said frostily.
"Aw, don't be pissy. I was going to tell you I was OK. I just wanted to have a little fun first."
"You didn't have to..." He edged past Matt and whispered something in Mello's ear.
Mello burst out laughing. "I thought you liked Transformers!"
"Certainly not like that," Near said with a little shudder. "I almost turned to alcohol to erase that mental image."
*
In the next thrilling installment, the Ms have their real reunion, and Misa finds a purpose in life.
The thing about Disneyland's address is true, by the way. I thought the combination of Mello and Disney was amusing. It was serendipitous that it involved Ms too. Also, in case you're wondering, Near was eating his soup alphabetically. :-) And apologies if my techie knowledge is lacking. It's been a while since I played with such things.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-01-05 09:49 am (UTC)Near eating alphabetically. ♥
...Disneyland and Mello. ♥ |D
SALLY. ♥
ily so much.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-05 02:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-19 03:23 am (UTC)Mello~! Lovely, lovely crack. ^_____^