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[darkluna]

Looking through old poetry, and wow, is it mostly terrible. Here's one sunsingergirl has seen the last two lines of, mostly because they were the only decent part. XD


Solitary Dance (Waiting for my partner)

I stand in the salt wind, my arms wide, my hair blown back.
I'm waiting for you to come and see me.

Barefoot dance on scratchy sand,
the water as green as beginnings.
You sing within me like a secret,
you burn beside me like a star.
I'll swallow you down, so bright
we're both dazzled into silence.

Walk with me, dance with me;
I know the steps, don't be shy.
Such a slow sweet smile you have,
such a fallen grace as you move.
I'll run before you like the wind,
I'll sing you to sleep like the tide.

Alone and dreaming my own footprints.
See the dance I've danced on the sand.
The water comes to swallow it up.
You could turn me into music.
I could turn you into light.


I hardly remember what it was like to be the girl who wrote that. I remember the things that happened to me, sure, but believing so completely that there was someone out there for me? Not so much anymore.

The thing about that belief that there was this mystical person I was supposed to be with was that it was never the person I was with, or not for very long. I believed in the quest more than the finding. In the wanting more than the having. I think I'm happier now that I don't believe it anymore, but sometimes I miss the girl who could think the universe was conspiring on her behalf, even if she couldn't see how it was moving, or what it would bring.

My characters mostly still believe in someone they're meant to be with, and my narratives seem to as well, which is kind of odd. Hell, half of the princes' story is based on Richard thinking Beth is his soulmate. Which I've tried to subvert, because his belief is based on a misinterpretation of a half-overheard discussion of a magician's foreknowledge. Basically, he thinks there's a prophecy that the woman he's supposed to fall in love with will "know him for who he is," i.e., a time-travelling prince. Only Beth doesn't, really, and the fragment of conversation actually refers to Beth knowing Richard's brother is an untrained magician. I thought it would be interesting to explore what he would do with the knowledge that the external validation of his feelings he'd counted on was wrong. (Not to spoil anyone, but I'm pretty sure he decides it's the choice that matters.)

As a side note, Beth totally, canonically, ships the older couple, Cal and Gracia.

About half the characters I play believe in love and destiny and all that shit too. Though possibly the vehemence with which Surlier doesn't believe cancels out the faith of the others, heh.

Comments

[rogerdr.livejournal.com]

It doesn't seem odd to me that your tales are concerned with fate, even fated loves. I've never believed in fate, yet the very act of setting down a traditional story is an explication of fate. Oh, we could throw literary conventions to the wind and try to write plotless stories like spec-fic authors did in the `70s, but will we? Whether or not your characters find love in this story or in one of its sequels, they'll find something. And even if you had no idea what that was when you started, once you put it on paper or harddrive, it's as good as prophesy to your characters. But then, you probably don't believe in magic, either.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Oh, but I do believe in magic.

I was just thinking something similar: if there is a system of magic, an engine of fate, a soulmate for everyone in the worlds my characters live in, I draw the boundaries of those, but of course they don't know that. Fiction has to follow rules reality can get away with cheating, unless the point of a story is supposed to be that everything's random or futile. And I've never understood the drive to write stories like that. (I could go on a rant about those stories, in fact, but I'll spare you. :))

[rogerdr.livejournal.com]

I wasn't talking about the system within your stories, but the fact that they are stories. Even one written to be nihilistic has a concrete fate, unless it's an editable meta-fic like can be found online. The internal consistency or inconsistency is irrelevant, you see, as long as the story has an ending. It's still writing fate, if one that's only trivially so; that's what I meant.

As to magic...well, we're the gods to these pet universes, no? Every word is a deus ex machina.

[zinnea.livejournal.com]

I don't believe in this idea of THE soulmate or THE One (hence my running joke about "my one true love"; anyone keeping count might've noticed that I have at least a dozen "one true loves" and not a one of them is anyone I'm actually involved with on any level except, y'know, being a fan) unless it's expanded to the idea of there being multiple soulmates or multiple Ones. And, yet, I've written a bunch of stuff (that no one has seen since I rarely share my fiction) that encompasses this idea.

However, I do think it's an intriguing concept to explore in storytelling.

Incidentally, I do also believe at least to some degree in Fate and Destiny; I separate them because in my mind Fate is something you are born to be, Destiny is something you are born to do. There's undoubtedly a tie in here to my religious beliefs; after all, to be Christian is to have an inherent belief in some level of predestination, however slight - we believe that God has some sort of plan for us although we often disagree over exactly what sort of plan that is and precisely what our obligations for it are. Really good Christian fiction (which, like really good Christian contemporary music, is often very difficult to find but so rewarding when one does) often contains some exploration of this idea - what is it that God (Fate, Destiny) wants from us? Do we HAVE to do it? HOW can we do it?

I don't think your poem's all that bad. You should see some of mine. No, wait, you shouldn't - NO ONE SHOULD, it's awful. Ha ha. I have such a love/hate relationship with poetry. Anyway, I think it's got a nice flow to it, I immediately starting trying to sing it into a song. And the last two lines are great.

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I like that separation of Fate and Destiny. I'm reasonably agnostic, weird for a girl who still does spells, I know. But I do believe that the things that happen to us happen for a reason, even if we can't make sense of it at the time, or maybe even ever. I'd like to believe in a god/universe/creator entity/pick your name for it that wants the best for us, but won't outright push us in the direction of it, because finding it for ourselves is part of the point.

And thanks! College!me listened to an awful lot of October Project, and I'm sure this poem didn't escape their influence.

Wouldn't one of your One True Loves have resulted in kids who were, like, 5'1"? >D

[zinnea.livejournal.com]

Oh, fine, our children would've been wee but they would've been ADORABLE, alright? Chain-smoking, wine-slurping, sarcastic egomaniacs of disreputable fashion sense but ADORABLE, DAMNIT.

You can obviously substitute whatever value you like for God in considering issues of predestination. I would qualify my belief in that I don't think every single little detail is planned out in advance (what would be the point of having free will at that point? And, yes, I definitely believe in free will.) but I do think that SOME things do, indeed, happen for a reason. It's not always easy to tell the reason. It's not always easy to tell which things happened for a reason.

[sunsingergirl.livejournal.com]

I think the whole thing's pretty. (nottalking)

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

<3

You and your Plurk emotes, dude.

[sunsingergirl.livejournal.com]

*cries*

They're an addiction of the utmost... well. Addictingness.

:3