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[darkluna]

Looking through old poetry, and wow, is it mostly terrible. Here's one sunsingergirl has seen the last two lines of, mostly because they were the only decent part. XD


Solitary Dance (Waiting for my partner)

I stand in the salt wind, my arms wide, my hair blown back.
I'm waiting for you to come and see me.

Barefoot dance on scratchy sand,
the water as green as beginnings.
You sing within me like a secret,
you burn beside me like a star.
I'll swallow you down, so bright
we're both dazzled into silence.

Walk with me, dance with me;
I know the steps, don't be shy.
Such a slow sweet smile you have,
such a fallen grace as you move.
I'll run before you like the wind,
I'll sing you to sleep like the tide.

Alone and dreaming my own footprints.
See the dance I've danced on the sand.
The water comes to swallow it up.
You could turn me into music.
I could turn you into light.


I hardly remember what it was like to be the girl who wrote that. I remember the things that happened to me, sure, but believing so completely that there was someone out there for me? Not so much anymore.

The thing about that belief that there was this mystical person I was supposed to be with was that it was never the person I was with, or not for very long. I believed in the quest more than the finding. In the wanting more than the having. I think I'm happier now that I don't believe it anymore, but sometimes I miss the girl who could think the universe was conspiring on her behalf, even if she couldn't see how it was moving, or what it would bring.

My characters mostly still believe in someone they're meant to be with, and my narratives seem to as well, which is kind of odd. Hell, half of the princes' story is based on Richard thinking Beth is his soulmate. Which I've tried to subvert, because his belief is based on a misinterpretation of a half-overheard discussion of a magician's foreknowledge. Basically, he thinks there's a prophecy that the woman he's supposed to fall in love with will "know him for who he is," i.e., a time-travelling prince. Only Beth doesn't, really, and the fragment of conversation actually refers to Beth knowing Richard's brother is an untrained magician. I thought it would be interesting to explore what he would do with the knowledge that the external validation of his feelings he'd counted on was wrong. (Not to spoil anyone, but I'm pretty sure he decides it's the choice that matters.)

As a side note, Beth totally, canonically, ships the older couple, Cal and Gracia.

About half the characters I play believe in love and destiny and all that shit too. Though possibly the vehemence with which Surlier doesn't believe cancels out the faith of the others, heh.

Comments

[darkluna.livejournal.com]

Oh, but I do believe in magic.

I was just thinking something similar: if there is a system of magic, an engine of fate, a soulmate for everyone in the worlds my characters live in, I draw the boundaries of those, but of course they don't know that. Fiction has to follow rules reality can get away with cheating, unless the point of a story is supposed to be that everything's random or futile. And I've never understood the drive to write stories like that. (I could go on a rant about those stories, in fact, but I'll spare you. :))

[rogerdr.livejournal.com]

I wasn't talking about the system within your stories, but the fact that they are stories. Even one written to be nihilistic has a concrete fate, unless it's an editable meta-fic like can be found online. The internal consistency or inconsistency is irrelevant, you see, as long as the story has an ending. It's still writing fate, if one that's only trivially so; that's what I meant.

As to magic...well, we're the gods to these pet universes, no? Every word is a deus ex machina.